Do You Need Creative Support?

“Self-trust is the first secret of success.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

How secure are you in your creativity?

Do you need others to tell you you’re good?

There’s a line in the novel The Fountainhead that I love. The protagonist, maverick architect Howard Roark - the embodiment of self-confidence - shows one of his drawings to a sculptor, Mallory, who he wants to hire.

Roark asks, “Like it?” to which Mallory responds, “Don’t use stupid words.”

Until that moment, Roark never came close to needing validation or approval. His artistic vision is iron-clad. He will not bend or make alterations. He knows he’s good. Mallory knows it, too.

In the book, The War of Art, Steven Pressfield says this about “support” groups and workshops: “The more energy we spend stoking up on support from colleagues and loved ones, the weaker we become and the less capable of handling our business.”

I think it’s a balancing act. One of the joys of creating anything is in sharing it with others. We all want feedback. It can be very discouraging to work on something that gets no response. No response can feel worse than a negative one.

Obviously, a novelist wants her reader to like her book. A comedian wants to get laughs. We all want to hear, “I love your work.” But when we don’t hear it, do we crumble and quit? Do we deem ourselves unworthy? Or are we secure enough to know we’ve done our best job?

There’s a subtle difference between needing support - needing that “I love you” - and asking for guidance or perspective. If we want a pat on the head, we can run to Mom. But if we want want honest help, we need to seek people who won’t mince words.

There’s also a difference between launching your work hoping to hear “That’s great!” and launching your work to simply say, “Here it is.”

Can you feel it?

When I was a kid, I used to sing for the neighbors when they visited for coffee. I love praise and approval…still do. (I’m a Leo - we love the spotlight). Applause is addictive.

But we can’t build our house on it, because when nobody claps, then what?

How do we build creative self-confidence? Hard work on our craft. Receiving unsolicited praise from people we respect. Remembering our victories.

No doubt, a kind word of encouragement always helps, and it feels good to give it. Everyone gets discouraged from time to time. When a friend reminds you of how talented you are, (like Roark does for Mallory in The Fountainhead) it can make a huge difference. We’re all in this together. This blog is here to inspire, after all.

Still…is your creative house built on sand or rock? Do you have an “inner candle flame that never flickers”?

Do you know you’re good?

Your thoughts?

Subscribe to this blog's RSS feed

“Every failure made me more confident. Because I wanted even more to achieve things, as revenge. To show that I could.” - Roman Polanski

Are you afraid of rejection? Have you put your heart and soul into a creative endeavor, only to get turned down?

Well, there’s nothing more inspiring to me than hearing about famous people who suffered loads of rejection before they made it big. Here are some examples:

1. Elvis - was rejected by his high school glee club.

2. Michael Jordan - was cut from his high school basketball team during his sophmore year.

3. Charles Schultz - was told his cartoons were unacceptable for the high school yearbook.

4. Julia Roberts - auditioned for a part in All My Children and didn’t get it.

5. Margaret Mitchell - author of Gone With The Wind, had a hard time selling the film rights to her book. MGM’s Irving Thalberg said, “Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel.”

6. Anne Frank - her famous diary was rejected by 15 publishers before Doubleday published it in 1952.

There are countless famous people who experienced constant rejection and set-backs. Do you know of any? Leave a comment!

 “The perfect temperature for tea is two degrees hotter than just right.” - Terri Guillemets

Before I explain what a cup of tea has to do with you and your creativity, let me ask a question:

Do you ever worry that people don’t appreciate your work?

I’ve noticed that sometimes, even when I do my best work, some people don’t seem to like it. Or worse - they ignore it. There’s no reason for them not to like it, really - it’s good, professional work.

You might expect criticism from strangers or competitors, but friends and family? They’re supposed to love everything you do!

But they don’t. Not always.

Even your colleagues and mentors will criticize you - people you respect. Ouch!

This is one of the harsh realities of being a creative person - especially if you work alone. You want that boost of encouragement and validation.  But here’s the thing…

You are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.

It’s just a fact. The sooner you accept it, the happier and freer you’ll be.

Some people love chamomile tea but not Earl Grey. Some like green tea, others like peppermint.

Think of yourself and your creative work in the same way - as a particular flavor. Even if you’re the tastiest strawberry on earth, some people will still reach for a banana.

Don’t you find it amazing how millions of people love Barry Manilow’s music yet millions hate it at the same time? Still, Barry plays Copacabana again and again for his fans who adore him. He doesn’t change his flavor to win over Metallica fans, or Jay-Z fans. He knows he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. 

People will criticize you. It can be helpful. Maybe your cup of tea could use a little sweetening, or a twist of lemon to add some zing. Stay open minded, for sure, but if you like your cup the way it is, by all means leave it alone. Your true fans will love you for it.

What flavor tea are you? How is your creativity like a cup of tea? Leave a comment!

“Work is love made visible” - Khalil Gibran

For those of us who create for a living, there are times when we’re not particularly inspired about a project. It might be something that pays the bills yet doesn’t come from our heart. In these situations, it’s tempting to rush the project and give less than our best effort so we can move on.

The problem with that is, we’re putting something into the world with our signature on it, and it’s not very good. We’re not showing enough love and respect for the people we’re creating for.

Not everything we create will be a hit, but there are 3 things we can do to summon our best creativity when we need a lift:

1. Imagine that what you’re creating is for someone you have tremendous admiration, love, and respect for.

Ideally, that person should be you. But if you’re not feeling particularly proud or inspired by your project, ask - Would I give this to my mother? My spouse? My creative idol? Jesus Christ? George Clooney? Would my peers respect this? Is it the best I can do?

If the answer is no, you know you’ve got to amp things up in the quality department. You will suddenly see every imperfection in your creation, and know exactly how to improve it.

Think of a food critic who sneaks into a restaurant. The cooks and waitstaff have no idea who it is. Are they trained to automatically give their best effort to every customer, or are they slacking?

When we infuse our creativity with love, it usually shows. And when it does, people return to us.

2. When faced with a creative dilemma, ask yourself, If I were the person who knew how to fix this problem, what would s/he do?

Stepping outside of ourselves and pretending we’re some other genius can produce surprising results in a pinch. Try asking the above question the next time you’re confused about something and see what answers you get. Then detach and carry out the solution. When we ask specific empowering questions, we usually get specific empowering answers. It’s pretty cool.

3. Practice, practice, practice.

I hate to add this obvious one, but it’s impossible to leave out. The only way we get great at something is to do it over and over. That’s how Kaki King has become one of the best new guitar players around, and why her hypnotic new acoustic album Dreaming of Revenge is one of the prettiest things I’ve heard all year. (Watch her videos!)

Practice is the reason the B-52’s sound better than ever on their awesome new album, Funplex. (Get it!) They’ve been practicing those infectous grooves and gorgeous harmonies at the Loveshack for decades, and it shows.

Practice is the reason Seth Godin provides the most cutting-edge marketing advice in the world. Are you reading his blog? No? If you provide a service, you better be! His insights will help you tremendously.

Summoning our best creativity doesn’t mean being perfectionistic. It means doing the best we can, now, with our current skills. Imperfection is always acceptable when we give our best. When Prince screws up the lyrics to Kiss because he’s doing splits for us, we forgive him and call it soul.

What about you? What are some ways you summon your best creativity? Leave a Comment! 

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.”   - Arthur Ashe

If you have a creative dream, or goal, but it seems far away, or difficult to achieve, here are 3 powerful ways you can build your self-confidence:

1. Ask, “Why not me?” 

Let’s say you’re a writer and your dream is to get published. You’re discouraged because it hasn’t happened yet. It seems difficult, maybe impossible or far away.

Here’s a great way to keep the dream alive:

Visit your local Barnes & Noble bookstore, look at the thousands of books on the shelves, and ask yourself, “Hey - why not me?”

 As long as you have the talent, drive, and work-ethic, there’s no reason you can’t make your dream a reality the way others have.

2. Let Amazing Creators and Crappy Creators Motivate You. 

Let’s face it - there are Amazing Creators out there who make us think, “God, if only I were that good.” And then there are Crappy Creators who somehow achieve the  success we want. We think, “How the heck did this guy get published?”

Let both types of creators motivate you. Strive to be as good as the Amazing Creator - the best in your field - and at the same time, let the Crappy Creator make you realize what a star you already are. If he can do it, you sure as hell can!

3. Realize that even the greatest, most successful creative geniuses have self-doubt, but they create anyway.

Matisse said, “It has bothered me all my life that I do not paint like everyone else.”

So you’re in good company.

Life is short. If you have a creative goal, you have to go for it. Achieving a dream through hard work and visualization is one of the greatest, most rewarding pleasures of life.

And consider this: we need you to achieve your dream. Why? Because you’ll become one of those people who inspire and motivate us (because you will be an Amazing Creator, of course, and not the other kind.)

Would you like to add other tips to this list? Leave a comment! 

“Some men are born to lift heavy weights, some are born to juggle golden balls.”
                                                - Max Beerbohm

What can you do that I can’t do?

Do that!

Sometimes it’s easy to wish we were more talented in other areas. We take our own skills for granted.

I wish I could play the flamenco guitar. I wish I were more business savvy. I wish I were good at fixing stuff…

I hear this one a lot - “I wish I could draw. I can’t even draw a stick-figure.”

But consider this: when you walk into a crowded room, what expertise do you possess that nobody else does? Even if it’s a room full of your creative peers - what unique style, trait, or edge do you have that they don’t?

Be glad for it. Embrace it. Hone it. That’s your gift. Be thankful. Offer it to the world. We need you!

Leave a comment - tell the cafe what you think!